Why do you do what you do?
Why does your annoying brother do what he does?
Have you ever been at a job, and like most employees you want to do well, and you decide to take a proactive approach on something. For example, you set up accounting software for the firm, and this program generates emails every time a transaction is made, which happens frequently. You know that your superior is always saying how she’s bogged down with too many emails so you put the login address as the admin email address. The next day you get a message from your superior saying ‘my email needs to be the main for all the accounts. Why was this set up this way?’ You’re left with 2 choices, do you fold and pretend you made a mistake when you didn’t? Or, do you risk being argumentative & relay your logic behind the decision? Your choice – and how you choose will say a lot about how much you value your ideas and what kind of culture you work in.
This begs a bigger question however – people (including you) don’t do what they do for no reason. Nobody wakes up in the day thinking ‘how am I going to fuck up?’ People do wake up angry, hurt, tired or frustrated and act from that place and it’s perceived as a personal attack from whoever gets in their crossfires. Have you ever gotten mad that someone cut you off in traffic? That person has no idea who you are and has absolutely nothing personal against you. They’re in a rush or not paying attention and you got in the way. It could have been anyone and they would have cut them off.
This is an easy concept to understand when we have a birds eye view, however not so simple when it’s someone close to us, that we love and care about. Look at the people around you, and if any of them are acting in a way that’s strange or hurtful to you, instead of asking ‘why do they do that?’ try asking ‘I know they have a reason for their behavior and to them, it makes total sense. I want to understand the logic behind this so I can communicate with them on their level.’ Take yourself out of the equation.
Maybe your superior has had issues in the past with company changes and hasn’t been able to access accounts when she really needed to. In turn she got scolded from her superior. Most things are NOT personal.
One more little nugget that I’ve picked up as well (since I’ve got you reading), pay attention to how people treat you. Does your spouse always come in and say goodbye if they’re leaving early and you’re still in bed? Does your sister have a very thoughtful nature and always manages to get the best gifts? How others treat you is usually the way they perceive love from other people. You treat people close to you the way you perceive love (we all do). If you want to challenge yourself (and make someone feel extremely special along the way), look at how the people you love treat you and the little things they do to show their love. Then try reflecting those actions back to them when the timing is right. It will not only transform your relationship, but the way they see you and you’ll start to hear the phrase ‘you just get me’.